Life is short. Let’s work on having meaningful conversations. And we’ll discuss why it’s smart and elegant not to overshare. A poised woman does not talk for the sake of talking. Her words hold weight and she is careful about what she shares and whom she shares information with.
Why do you need to stop oversharing?
- Better conversations: think about how much time you spend ranting to friends. If you’re ranting about others, you’re giving them the power to consume more of your life. What a waste of time! What meaningful or thought-provoking conversation would you rather have?
- People can use that information against you. Intentionally or not, it can be harmful to you.
- Examples:
- You are talking to too many of your friends about your romantic person. Once they meet him they are biased. They can bring up embarrassing details of your relationship.
- Examples:
- It’s not elegant. A poised woman is thoughtful, she doesn’t need to consume others with her problems day in and out.
- Understand why you are talking. What are your intentions, and determine if this is the right person to share your life details with.
- Therapy – consider a therapist. Talking to the right professional will get you results.
- You lose the female mystic – if you’re an open book, you risk losing the attractive allure. It may not be right, but we tend to lose esteem or judge a person based on what they shared about themselves. It’s not intentional but we tend to make assumptions based on a couple of random facts.
Steps to STOP oversharing
Step 1: Self-reflection: when and what do you overshare and why?
WHEN: Determine your triggers. What provokes you to overshare?
WHAT: Is it personal or work-related? Determine your intentions and “need to know” – what do you want out of this? And then, what do they need to know? If it’s a problem, can they help you? Or do you want to vet?
Step 2: Preparation. Be intentional that you are not a person that rants and/or overshares.
Step 3: Practice. Be mindful when you’re talking. Be aware of your senses.
* What do you hear?
* What do you see?
* What do you smell?
Conclusion
Oversharing is not worth it at work or in your personal life. If you’re an oversharer, it’s hard to break this habit. But once you do you’ll have better conversations and this habit is easier to live with. Oversharing gives you short-term gain and gratification. Staying mysterious and poise is the long-term gain that will protect you from embarrassment and ranting on topics that adds no value to you or others.
Be patient with yourself. Breaking a habit takes time. Take it one conversation at a time. Good luck!